


Worst Gift Award

by Mr_Dadamy_Blake



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 06:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5655478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr_Dadamy_Blake/pseuds/Mr_Dadamy_Blake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt:<br/>Dick is an awesome brother who never misses an opportunity to give presents to his loved ones... but unfortunately, he's a terrible gift picker. Each year after Christmas, his brothers manage to share one meeting without blood loss during which they compare gifts and award the worst one.<br/>Meanwhile: Jason Todd is convinced he deserves to win this year, but is struggling to show &tell without spoiling that he and Dick are dating... fucking... whatever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worst Gift Award

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pekuxumi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pekuxumi/gifts).



> I had fun writing this and I hope you enjoy!

“I’m just saying,” Jason muttered from his spot on Tim’s couch. _Fucking Dick._ “I totally deserve the Worst Gift of the Year Award.”

“You repeating that won’t actually convince us Jason.” Tim snapped, rolling his eyes. “You won’t even show us what the gift was.”

“I don’t know how any of you can beat me.” Damian growled. He was still glaring at the box he’d brought with him. It sported the picture of a cat being gently petted by a machine; the slogan said _Never Touch You Pets Again!_ As if people with pets suffered every time they touched their animal. _The Pet Petter,_ it was called the pet petter and Damian’s face told everyone just what he thought of that.

“It certainly beats the clackers you got last year.” Tim snickered. Jason couldn’t blame either of them. He wouldn’t believe himself either, but he had the image of his gift burned into the back of his eyes. He honestly didn’t know if Dick liked giving them gifts as horrible as the _stud undies_ or if he genuinely thought they would appreciate them.

“You can’t talk Drake, last year you got that ridiculous blanket.” Tim’s face turned red at the mention of the snuggie, which they’ve all caught him using at one very sleep deprived point.

Jason’s frustration was starting to show. He couldn’t straight up spill his guts about dating Dick because dickhead didn’t want to tell them just yet. He _deserved so many awards._ Just dating Dick should give him a Nobel Prize for not committing murder. They would suddenly understand the last couple of months and sympathize with Jason immediately. Sometimes dickhead was just impossible but god damn him if he didn’t love the idiot.

“Anyway, I say I deserve the Worst Gift Award because he gave me fishbowl bookends. Where do you even _find_ fishbowl bookends?” Tim said eyeing the box next to the pet petter. The corners of his mouth twitched and his eyes softened. Jason understood. While Dick was the _worst_ at giving gifts nobody could really be mad because he did it with the utmost sincerity. He genuinely thought Tim would enjoy the book ends, and he knows sleep deprived Tim well enough to actually get him a _snuggie_.

Nobody would excuse Damian’s clackers though, that was just Dick being a _dick._

“We don’t understand how he even thinks of half of these gifts, why do you think we would know how _he_ knows where to find them?” Jason raised an eyebrow at Tim. “Where’s Cass and Steph anyway?”

“Cass is doing something for Barbara and Steph is at school probably. But she asked me to say that she deserved the Worst Gift Award because of some reason or the other.” Tim said dismissively. Jason raised his hands in the air and seriously considered just telling them everything.

“I’m telling you, Timbo, I deserve it this time.”

“Show me the gift.” Tim challenged.

“Yeah Todd, gift or you’re not even a part of this.” Damian sneered. Jason groaned. If only he could show them the god damn underwear. _Fundies_. What kind of _idiot_ thought that was a good gift? Coupled with the look Jason had received, he just. He just, Jason didn’t even know.  

 _Dick didn’t want anyone to know yet_ , Jason repeated and glared at Tim and Damian. Really how hard was it for them to believe him? They were just salty because they knew it was true, he reasoned.

“You know if you told us what you’re hiding…” Tim ribbed. Damian twitched trying to hide any tells of amusement. Tim wouldn’t let him live it down if he found out Damian thought him funny.

“Go Sherlock your Holmes somewhere else Timbo.” Jason flipped him off and turned to stare at the window. He didn’t bother hiding that he was hiding something. Maybe if Tim found out and told everyone he and Dick wouldn’t have to put the actual work into confessing their undying love for each other, but that was just as much wishful thinking as Jason winning the stupid award without spilling all the damn beans.

“Anyway,” Damian glared at both of them. There was a lot of glaring. Hard not to when usually after hour one throats where being aimed for and right now they were headed for the record breaking three hours without someone ending up injured in one way or another. “My gift is insulting enough to deserve the award Drake, without Brown, Gordon, and Cassandra here to plea their cases it’s obvious I win.”

“So you would rather win by default now? You know they’re gonna fight you because of this right? There’s a twenty four hour window to dispute the winner, you Cass doing that? Alone?” Tim raised his eyebrows. Cass could take all of them on a bad day. Jason wasn’t about to go against the girls for a full day by himself. So maybe not outing his relationship for a stupid gift card and receipt and twenty four hours of surprise attacks was the smart choice. He could always next year.

“Half the fun of having a pet is getting to pet it.” Jason sighed, defeated.

“Oh, is that how it is?” Tim sniffed. He tried for hurt but Jason wasn’t buying what Tim was selling. “You choose the brat over me?”

“The brat ain’t shoving his little nose into my fucking business.” He stuck his tongue out at Tim and rested his hands on the back of his head with a satisfied look.

“Give me the gift card Drake. And I expect the receipt in my hands at this time tomorrow.” Damian said snootily. His nose in the air and his pug face twisted in a pug smirk. 

“I’m winning next year.” Jason declared. By then it would be public information that he and dickhead where sharing undies. Jason would make sure of it. The whole world would know and Jason wouldn’t have to let his well-deserved prize go to someone else. And for everyone else’s sake he would influence Dick’s horrible life choices into half decent gifts. Like Tim’s snuggie.


End file.
